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An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit can save your life!

November 21, 2012 2 comments

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is the mastermind process of domestic violence expert Susan Murphy Milano that combines video taping of the victims actual words attesting to the abuse coupled with creative witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in these intimate partner violence and stalking cases.  Susan has worked countless hours to move mountains in the way an abuse situation is handled.It combines past history of abuse, testimony,documentation, and evidence in a all in one video to support your statements of abuse as well as satisfy the courts.

The EAA was born out of the Stacey Peterson case.  It was created to make sure if you disappear your fears and words do not.  Stacey’s case reminds us we need the words of the victim otherwise even if everyone knows it is the abuser they get away with it.  Proof is needed.  Murphy-Milano says, “Had either Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson prepared an EAA, there would be no question of a prompt arrest. The EAA also gives law enforcement and investigators information about the alleged perpetrator allowing the victim to speak from the grave on her own behalf, should that be necessary.  Think of the millions saved in taxpayer dollars!”

Susan has worked with prosecutors and victims all over the world.  Since her creation not one of the people she has worked with has been killed.  That in itself is a miracle since the U.S. Surgeon general finds domestic violence as the leading cause of health problems in our country.  One in every three women will be victimized.

The EAA is easy to use, very detailed and walks the victim through the steps needed to cross any line drawn in prosecutions case.  It contains the evidence and statements necessary to prosecute should the victim be harmed.

Until now the response when you are abused has been:

  • victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse).
  • Victims are told to go to a shelter.
  • Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
  • Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets).
  • Victims are told to stay with someone else.
  • Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined.

Now the solution is at your hands easily downloaded and process detailed.  The EAA is now available on Apple products for download.  It is simple, and I tried it myself.  With the ease of an App, a victim can download the app and be guided through the process of creating the E.A.A. on a Smart Phone.  Any Smart Phone with a camera will be able to video tape the recorded testimony of her abuse experiences.  The person will simply fill out the E.A.A. documentation pages, and the pages will be notarized and instructions for where thecompleted documents are sent will direct the victim through the completion process.  Utilizing cloud technology, the E.A.A. is stored safely in a forensically secured database.

It was released on July 4th, 2012.  How fitting the day for freedom is the day the app becomes available.  After 20 years of working on Intimate partner violence she sees her dream come true.All information on the EAA can be found on Susan’s website at: www.documenttheabuse.com.  Please check out her latest book now available by download, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationships.  Susan Murphy Milano is a true hero to millions and her newest creation can and will save lives.  If you are in dangerous situation call local authorities and seek help. Always document everything. It can change the outcome.

This is an example of an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for individuals who perceive they are at risk.  By creating a file like this and giving it to specific people, any later events could be answered.  A video like this could solve a crime later on.  For more information visit www.documenttheabuse.com or Susan Murphy Milano’s Journal.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Susan Murphy-Milano, Nationally Known Advocate and Author Has Been Called Home…

October 29, 2012 3 comments

Susan Murphy-Milano

On Sunday, October 28, 2012 when many across the country were praying for Susan Murphy-Milano to find peace and to let God bring her home, she passed through the doorway of the mansion in heaven that was prepared for her.

Is she gone from us? No way.

Susan’s work lives on in each and every victim of violence that she figured out how to save, it goes on through each case she offered her expertise that got the attention it needed to make progress, she lives on through each friend who touched her life and to whom she gave so freely. Although her shoes can never be filled, her work will continue.

All of us have a favorite memory, picture and story about Susan. Please feel free to leave your words at Conquering Cancer in the comment section.

Memorial announcements will be made for a time in the future.

……Delilah Jones

Susan Murphy-Milano

was a nonfiction author, violence expert and host of the weekly radio crime show “Time’s Up” and author of a book by the same title.  Murphy-Milano, who grew up in Chicago, lived in Surfside Beach, South Carolina.

Murder-suicide

In January 1989, Murphy-Milano’s father, 30-year veteran Detective Phillip Murphy, a decorated Chicago Police violent crimes investigator, murdered her mother, Roberta, using his service weapon, a .44 magnum, and then took his own life by shooting himself in the head.  Afterward, Murphy-Milano, who discovered her parents’ bodies, vowed to change the way intimate partner crimes and homicides were handled and investigated.  She spent her career advocating for women and child victims of domestic violence.

Career

Murphy-Milano was a nationally known women’s advocate who lobbied for the passage of 1993′s Illinois Stalking Law  and the Lautenberg Amendment of 1996, a domestic violence offender gun ban.

Murphy-Milano authored Defending Our Lives: Getting Away From Domestic Violence & Staying Safe, published by Doubleday, and Moving Out, Moving On, which focuses on when a relationship goes wrong. Times Up: A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships, was released by the publishing on demand publisher, Dog Ear Press in 2010.  Author and former prosecutor Robin Sax, in a review for Psychology Today, wrote about the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) included in the book.  “Murphy Milano reaches out and offers her hand — with a key (almost literally).  Thank you to Murphy-Milano for giving us … a succinct, well-written guidebook that is a must-have for anyone who is a victim or who works with victims of domestic abuse. “

Murphay-Milano’s most recently published book, Holding My Hand Through Hell by Ice Cube Press details her life of abuse, murder, and domestic violence. “Life-affirming and thought provoking just like Susan. –Diane Fanning, New York Times Best-Selling Author.

Murphy-Milano often spoke to law enforcement, at schools and before groups advocating victims’ rights.   Also, she worked with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education.

Susan Murphy Milano was a specialist and expert in intimate partner violence and worked nationally with corporations, faith based organizations, domestic violence programs, law enforcement, and prosecutors providing technical and consulting services in high risk domestic violence and stalking related cases. Her principal objective was to intervene before a victim was seriously injured or killed. Utilizing a procedure which she devised, The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, Murphy Milano’s clients are all still alive a statistic that is remarkable considering the distinct increase in intimate partner homicides.  Document the Abuse.Com offers pertinent information for victims leaving abusive relationships.

In addition, she and her work have been prominently featured in newspapers, magazines, radio, and television including: The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Radio, ABC S 20/20, Justice Files, E-True Hollywood, CNN, Sunday Today Show Profile, Women s Day, Family Circle, US News and World Report to name a few. She has frequently participated in guest media commentary panels on major and recently appeared on the A&E Biography of Drew Peterson. She is a well known radio host, regularly hosting The Susan Murphy Milano Show, Time s Up! on the Zeus Media Network, also she appeared on Crime Wire on BlogTalk Radio, and was a regular weekly co-host on the nationally syndicated The Roth Show.

Her books, Defending Our Lives; Moving Out, Moving On; Times Up!, Holding My Hand Through Hell and corresponding strategies will continue to be taught world-wide and used by law enforcement, social workers, attorneys, health care workers, human resource departments and domestic violence agencies.

Various contributors including Wikipedia 

Blessings my Sister and Friend, you will truly be missed.

I. LOVE. YOU.

My Letter to Michelle Obama by Amy J. Matthews…

October 28, 2012 1 comment

Dear Mrs. Obama:

I am writing to you today because I respect you very much, and I know how important both the issues of Domestic Violence and the right of everyone to have Affordable Health Care are to you.

I want to introduce you to an amazing woman and advocate Susan Murphy- Milano. Susan is currently dying of Cancer due to the lack of Health Insurance. Everywhere she applied for help turned her down and she was informed that she did not qualify for their services. I know you agree that there is something terribly wrong when a country as great as ours can let this happen to anyone, yet alone someone who has devoted her entire life to saving the  lives of others and without once thinking about what it could mean to her own.

Susan grew up in Chicago, the daughter of a 30-year veteran Chicago Police Detective and Violent Crimes Investigator Phillip Murphy. Susan’s father murdered her mother in 1989 and then turned the gun on himself committing suicide.  His intent was to kill his daughter as well. On the way to the house to try to save her mother something made her take an unexpected turn on the way. This decision is the only reason Susan is alive today. Had she taken her normal route Susan would not be with us now! Susan lived a life of trying to keep her mother alive her entire life and after her mother was murdered she devoted her entire life to saving others.

This most amazing woman is now on her last days after putting up a good fight. I am writing you today because I know you care. I know you care about the women and children in this country, the state of our health care, and every person’s God given human right. It is not just women and children that Susan has saved; there is no gender bias when it comes to abuses towards another.

Susan is the leading expert on Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence, and at the time when she discovered she had Cancer she was already in stage 4. This all happened just as her lifelong dreams were coming true. Susan is the women who mentored Rev. Neil Schori , Stacy Peterson’s Pastor and taught him everything he knows about Intimate Partner violence. Together they created The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit    which is a legal document that can be used in court as legal testimony even if the victim is murdered or missing.

This tragic news about Susan came just as her lifelong work was getting known. Susan was getting invitations from law enforcement agencies all over the country to come and train Law Enforcement and first responders what to look for when they answer a call, or respond to a crime scene.  She was preparing to start working at a University where she was given Carte Blanche and offered full use of the Universities resources to help her with her work. She did not apply to work at this University they came to her asking her to please come and head this project. Susan was offered her own Television Show which was scheduled to air this winter.  Again she was approached by the producers she did not seek them they sought Susan. These are just a few of the triumphs that have a major impact in the field of Intimate Partner Violence!  Susan was now in high demand all over the country. But her work was suddenly halted in its prime due to her health.

Susan had a good chance to recover had she had the treatment she needed. This is a disgrace and an embarrassment for this Country which I know you and the President both agree. I am so sorry that the President’s Health plan has been fought against and has not been put into place. This is something that may have saved not only the life of this amazing woman but could have saved countless other people both through Susan’s work and the health plan combined.

This is what Susan said when she made the announcement about her Cancer:

“My dreams and hard work are now becoming reality.
In early fall there will be a national announcement about the Intimate Partner Violence Institute with two major universities.

A national conference and training hosted by the Naperville Christian Church is scheduled for the first week of October on the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for law enforcement, prosecutors and first responders.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit APP will be at the Apple Store on Monday July, 2, 2012.

Holding My Hand Through Hell will be released nationwide October 1, 2012.

Everything will still happen as scheduled”.

Susan Murphy Milano June 27 2012

Please check out these links and Google her name for more on Susan. I know you will love her as much as I do and as the countless women she has saved

Susan’s Cancer blog Conquering Cancer which she started to try to change the way society looks and Cancer treatment

Susan’s Main Blog  Susan Murphy Milano’s Journal to educate the public on Intimate Partner Violence

Document the Abuse website for the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit 

Susan’s latest book “Holding My Hand Through Hell” is about her life and what it was like for her growing up in an abusive home.  She wrote this book for the purpose of helping others who are living the same hell that Susan grew up living in.  After reading this book people will know why Susan is the who she is.

See Susan’s other books here

Chicago Tribune article and interview with The Rev. Neil Schori.

Listen here to Rev. Schori interview after the trial of Drew Peterson

Susan Murphy Milano and her work in Chicago. Please watch this video and you will see the great work she has done in the past!

Thank you for taking the time to read this and listen to the interviews.

I would like to invite you to the Facebook prayer page for Susan. You will be in awe of the outpouring of prayers and thoughts of people whose lives were changed just by knowing her.

God Bless you and The President for all the work that has been done and is being done to make our lives better.

Sincerely,

Amy J. Matthews

Book Release, Susan Murphy-Milano – Holding My Hand Through Hell…

October 24, 2012 Comments off

Susan Murphy-Milano once again has gone over and beyond the call of duty in her most recent released book, Holding My Hand Through Hell.

Susan, a “Success Survivor” herself of victimization and a well known Advocate in the Domestic/Intimate Partner Violence arena takes you on the ride of her life.  Ladies and gentlemen……………HOLD ON! and get ready for the read that you will not be able to put down!

Susan has never been an open book.  She has seldom opened up, never allowing the women in crisis, her close friends nor others to see or hear the damning side of her life that existed from the time she could remember. 

It was nationally known that her father was a decorated detective in the Chicago Police Department.  He killed her mother and then himself after many years of dealing the many forms of abusive power at her mother, brother and herself.   Susan was hell bent that she was going to make a difference in our society and that she does.  Yes, her father was hidden behind the blue badge, everyone covered up for him and/or turned their cheek rather than to slap his ass in jail with charges that would have stuck.

Susan has made sure in her book, Holding My Hand Through Hell that no stone was left unturned.  This book is graphic and extremely detailed, but guess what…..domestic/intimate partner violence and child abuse is graphic, raw, ugly and nasty.  One never knows when it may rear it’s ugly head.  This book can be overwhelming at times but yet……there is inspiration throughout her life that is shared.

I have personally witnessed Susan in “crisis mode” with victims who reached out to her.  Susan is always twenty steps ahead of the assailant, compassionate but firm as she instructs the victim exactly what to do and how to get it done.  Keep in mind that no victim ever died on her watch.  When assisting in solving homicides she is always on target, she would sniff out the perp just like a K9.  Susan doesn’t ever back down, yes she walks the walk and most definitely talks the talk.  When a mission presents itself to Susan she immediately goes into survival mode.  Survival mode is what Susan has known all of her life all too well.  To witness her in this mode is simply breath taking.

Holding My Hand Through Hell also proves to us all that God is always present in our lives and Susan has proved this over and over.  God was with her through every trial and tribulation; God has a purpose for each and every one of us.  We may not understand at the time while in the pain but eventually when we realize the purpose we must act upon it and follow God’s plan.  

Susan’s Murphy-Milano‘s testimony proves that she never gave up on God, she could have but never turned her back on her spiritual Father.  In turn he has used her story to make a major difference in countless lives.

**********************************************************************

At this time Susan is slipping away from us after suffering from Stage IV cancer.

May you feel God’s loving embrace as He wraps His arms around you protecting and guiding you on your journey home.  Blessings my friend.  I love you.

**********************************************************************

Holding My Hand Through Hell is available at:

Ice Cube Press

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence…

October 15, 2012 1 comment

Warning signs to watch out for teen dating violence include: sudden loss of interest in activities, low grades, changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, loss of regular friends and drastic changes in clothing.

Often victims will wear long sleeves, long pants and scarves to hide bruises and marks. If you as a parent suspect that your teen is in an abusive relationship, encourage zero tolerance for inappropriate dating behaviors.

If you suspect that your teen is being violent to their dating partner, talk to them. Let the teen know that love is about respect. Sometimes it is difficult to realize that your child is being mean or violent. Do not allow aggressive behavior in the home. Talk to the teen about emotional abuse and how it is unacceptable in any relationship. You could say something like, “It bothers me when you yell at so-and-so.” Express concern and talk to the teen about appropriate behavior. You may even want to seek professional help for your teen.

Teen dating violence is a problem that parents can help prevent. Talk to teens about the different types of violence. Be alert for warning signs and let the teens know that you care. Most of all, show teens the appropriate way to behave by being respectful and caring towards other people.

Encouraging teens to have healthy relationships before they begin dating is important. Be aware and keep the lines of communication open with teens about their relationships.

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your teen relationship is abusive, ask her/him to answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that your teen may be  in an abusive relationship.

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings

Do you:

  • feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
  • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
  • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
  • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
  • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
  • feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior

Does your partner:

  • humiliate or yell at you?
  • criticize you and put you down?
  • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends and family to see?
  • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
  • blame you for his/her own abusive behavior?
  • see  you a property or a sex object, rather than a person?

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats

Does your partner:

  • have a bad and unpredictable temper?
  • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
  • threaten to commit suicide if you break up with him/her?
  • force you to have sex?
  • destroy your belongings?

Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior

Does your partner:

  • act excessively jealous and possessive?
  • control where you go and what you do?
  • keeps you from seeing your friends or family?
  • constantly checking up on you?
  • excessive texting or calling you?

If your teen is afraid for her/his safety or has been assaulted by her/his partner please dial 911 or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-787-3224.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit can save your life!

July 15, 2012 Comments off

An Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit is the mastermind process of domestic violence expert Susan Murphy Milano that combines video taping of the victims actual words attesting to the abuse coupled with creative witnessed and notarized legal documents that successfully satisfy legal hurdles often faced in these intimate partner violence and stalking cases.  Susan has worked countless hours to move mountains in the way an abuse situation is handled.It combines past history of abuse, testimony,documentation, and evidence in a all in one video to support your statements of abuse as well as satisfy the courts.

The EAA was born out of the Stacey Peterson case.  It was created to make sure if you disappear your fears and words do not.  Stacey’s case reminds us we need the words of the victim otherwise even if everyone knows it is the abuser they get away with it.  Proof is needed.  Murphy-Milano says, “Had either Kathleen Savio or Stacy Peterson prepared an EAA, there would be no question of a prompt arrest. The EAA also gives law enforcement and investigators information about the alleged perpetrator allowing the victim to speak from the grave on her own behalf, should that be necessary.  Think of the millions saved in taxpayer dollars!”

Susan has worked with prosecutors and victims all over the world.  Since her creation not one of the people she has worked with has been killed.  That in itself is a miracle since the U.S. Surgeon general finds domestic violence as the leading cause of health problems in our country.  One in every three women will be victimized.

The EAA is easy to use, very detailed and walks the victim through the steps needed to cross any line drawn in prosecutions case.  It contains the evidence and statements necessary to prosecute should the victim be harmed.

Until now the response when you are abused has been:

  • victims are told to report (but action is only taken if you can show evidence of the abuse).
  • Victims are told to go to a shelter.
  • Victims are told to get a restraining order (but usually only granted if there is evidence of the abuse)
  • Victims are told to move away (but leaving behind careers, family, and assets).
  • Victims are told to stay with someone else.
  • Victims are told stalking is hard to prove and stalking laws are often weak and poorly defined.

Now the solution is at your hands easily downloaded and process detailed.  The EAA is now available on Apple products for download.  It is simple, and I tried it myself.  With the ease of an App, a victim can download the app and be guided through the process of creating the E.A.A. on a Smart Phone.  Any Smart Phone with a camera will be able to video tape the recorded testimony of her abuse experiences.  The person will simply fill out the E.A.A. documentation pages, and the pages will be notarized and instructions for where the completed documents are sent will direct the victim through the completion process.  Utilizing cloud technology, the E.A.A. is stored safely in a forensically secured database.

It was released on July 4th, 2012.  How fitting the day for freedom is the day the app becomes available.  After 20 years of working on Intimate partner violence she sees her dream come true.All information on the EAA can be found on Susan’s website at: www.documenttheabuse.com.  Please check out her latest book now available by download, Time’s Up: A Guide on How to Safely Leave an Abusive and Stalking Relationships.  Susan Murphy Milano is a true hero to millions and her newest creation can and will save lives.  If you are in dangerous situation call local authorities and seek help. Always document everything. It can change the outcome.

This is an example of an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit for individuals who perceive they are at risk.  By creating a file like this and giving it to specific people, any later events could be answered.  A video like this could solve a crime later on.  For more information visit Susan’s website.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

Contributed by Examiner.com in part

Susan Murphy- Milano Fighter for Human Rights

July 8, 2012 Comments off

Thank you Amy Matthews for creating the beautiful video!

Susan Murphy-Milano is a leader in the field of Intimate Partner Violence and is now fighting 4th stage Cancer. She has dedicated her life to fighting for change in how the world looks at and treats Domestic Violence in this country, and now to change how the world looks at and treats Cancer. She is also fighting for justice in the world of Health Care for every individual in this country.

To learn more please visit
http://www.susanmurphy-milano.com/
http://www.conqueringcancer.me/
http://www.documenttheabuse.com/
http://www.holdingmyhandthroughhell.com/
https://www.facebook.com/susanmurphymilano
https://www.facebook.com/murphymilano
https://www.facebook.com/groups/244971478950821/

Amy’s  Message to Susan
Susan you are without a doubt one of the most amazing women I know of, and definitely the most amazing women I have had the pleasure of knowing personally. Every one of us wants to feel like we have made a difference in the life of another. I have always said if I can make the difference in even one person’s life then I will be happy. Susan you have made a tremendous difference not just for the women you’ve helped through the years, the women you are aware of, but the many countless women you don’t know about, and it’s only just the beginning. You will continue to change the lives of people all over this country, as well and around the world, from this day forward.
What you have done is started a revolution. You have changed the way that intimate partner violence is viewed and addressed. You brought life and hope to what seemed a hopeless situation.
Everyone wonders what their purpose in life is, and many will never know the answer while they are still on this Earth. That makes you very lucky because you know what your purpose is, and you have seen with your own eyes the good you have done and will continue to do.
The fights not over for the cause or for you! So don’t ever give up, the world is certainly not giving up on you or anything you stand for.
We are here for you now and we will continue the battle and when we are gone there will be others and when they are gone there will be more until this battle is won!

Sincerely,

Amy J. Matthews

“Red, White & View” – Teen Dating Violence Discussion…

September 26, 2011 Comments off

 

VICE PRESIDENT JOSEPH R. BIDEN TO DISCUSS ISSUE OF DATING VIOLENCE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT AFFECTING TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS, LIVE ON “THE VIEW,” TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27

Barbara Walters and Bill Geddie, executive producers of the ABC’s Daytime Emmy® Award-winning talk show, “The View,” announced that Joseph R. Biden, the 47th Vice President of the United States, will be the special guest, live, TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 27 (11:00 a.m.-12:00 noon, ET). The Vice President will focus on the threat of dating violence and sexual assault that continues to exist for teens and young adults across the country. The Vice President’s appearance is part of “Red, White & View” continuing the show’s commitment to political guests and discussions.

The author of the landmark Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), Vice President Biden has led the effort to combat violence against women for over 20 years. He continues the cause today leading the fight from the White House.

Over the past year, in response to the high rates of violence and abuse that continue to face young women under the age of 24, Vice President Biden has refocused his long standing commitment to reducing violence against women specifically on teens and young adults. Under the Vice President’s leadership, the Administration has undertaken a wide range of new and innovative efforts to address the issue. Just last week, in a video message released via Twitter and YouTube, Vice President Biden launched the “1is2Many” project calling on high school and college-aged students to share their ideas on preventing dating violence and sexual assault at schools and on their campuses.

Dating abuse isn’t always as obvious as bruises and beatings. In fact, if you don’t know any better, some of the most common forms of relationship abuse might seem like the way that boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to act.

That’s why it’s so important that you learn the signs of abusive relationships as soon as you start dating. If any of the signs below are true for your relationship, get help.  The following signs can be applied to abused males as well by girlfriends.  Victimization DOES NOT discriminate.

1. He Constantly Checks In on You

If your sweetie’s attentive and asks you about your life, that’s fantastic. But if he constantly calls you and expects a full report on where you’ve been and who you’ve been with, then something more sinister’s going on.

2. He Lies to You

Relationships can’t survive unless you trust each other, and if your partner abuses that trust by lying to you, it’s a relationship that isn’t worth keeping. A couple of white lies are forgivable. Lying regularly, or lying about important stuff, is absolutely not.

3. He Won’t Let You Talk to Other Guys

Don’t stand for this form of relationship abuse. You’re allowed to talk to anyone of any gender you want. If your sweetie is suspicious of something, he should have a mature conversation with you about it, but he’s not allowed to control your behavior.

4. He Threatens to Hurt Himself

When someone tells you something like, “I’ll kill myself if you break up with me,” they’re using fear and guilt to manipulate you. Any threat should be taken seriously, so speak to a parent or counselor about it. But you don’t have to play along.

5. He Loses His Temper Quickly

Everyone gets mad sometimes, and that’s okay. But if your sweetie snaps at you over the tiniest things and blames you for things that aren’t your fault, then something’s wrong (and it’s not you).

6. He Embarrasses You in Public

No one who loves you (or even likes you a lot) should ever make you feel bad about yourself. Doing it in public – by calling you names or making fun of you when other people are watching – is especially cruel, and you don’t have to stand for it.

7. He Forces You to Have Sex

Sex doesn’t just mean intercourse. It can mean a whole range of sexual activity, including oral sex or even just touching. If your partner forces you to do anything physical that you don’t want to do, get out of the relationship.

8. He Keeps You Away From Your Friends

Abusers are pretty smart. They know that if your friends found out the truth, they’d tell you to get out of the relationship lickety-split. By pushing your friends away, abusers are trying to protect themselves. Don’t let them.

9. He Looks at Your Phone

No one – not even the love of your life – has the right to monitor your calls and texts. And you’re allowed to be in contact with whomever you want (even your exes). If your sweetie disagrees, he’s trying to control you, and that’s a form of abuse.

10. He Does Anything That Scares You in Any Way

This could mean physical violence, the threat of violence, harsh words or dangerous behavior of any kind. Bottom line: if you’re scared to be around someone – even someone you love – don’t be around them any more. Break it off right away.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

 

 

Phone App Wakes Parents Up to Teen Dating Abuse via WeNews…

September 13, 2011 Comments off

Parental involvement is key to combating teen dating abuse, says Jane Randel. The Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse campaign has created an iPhone application to educate parents on what their teens may be going through.

For the past seven years, the Liz Claiborne Inc.’s Love Is Not Abuse initiative has worked to combat and prevent teen dating abuse. One of the key insights gleaned during that time is that parental involvement and guidance are essential to preventing teen dating abuse.

We’ve also learned that there are inherent challenges to parental intervention. Although parents recognize dating abuse as a problem, many believe the issue simply does not affect their child. Many also don’t realize that technology has become a platform for abuse.

Teen dating abuse is much more prevalent than many parents think; 10 percent of U.S. high school students reported experiencing assault by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past year, according to Adolescent Health study authors Emily Rothman, an associate professor of community health sciences at the Boston University School of Public Health, and Dr. Elizabeth Miller, division of adolescent medicine chief at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

And dating abuse is not only physical. Other, very common, forms of abuse include emotional and digital abuse. A recent study commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. found that 1-in-4 teens report being abused by a boyfriend or girlfriend through technology.

The need to engage parents is why we have created the Love Is Not Abuse iPhone application (app), an exciting new resource designed to educate parents and get them talking to their teens. The app informs parents about the warning signs of dating violence and emotional and digital dating abuse. Included are tips on how to talk to your teen about dating abuse and national resources to get help.

Various Developers

The app was developed with leading experts, researchers,

parents affected by dating abuse and partner organizations, including LoveIsRepect.org, the New York-based Joyful Heart Foundation and Break the Cycle and the National Network to End Domestic Violence, both based in Washington, D.C., among others.

When we recently launched the app, Denise DeZao, a mother of a teen dating abuse survivor, shared her experiences with teen dating abuse and explained why she believes the app is critical to educating parents about abuse.

“At the time, I did not recognize that my daughter was involved in an abusive relationship,” she said. “I now realize that the red flags were rapidly waving in front of me. When I experienced the app for the first time, I had the oddest sensation. I felt as if I could totally and completely experience how my daughter must have felt in her relationship. If resources like this app had been available to us then, I am confident that I would have acted upon the signs and intervened in the early stages of the relationship.”

Education is key to prevention. Parents must take a proactive approach and educate themselves on teen dating abuse before their teens enter relationships.

Resources are readily available in the app, and while some parents may find initial conversations uncomfortable, it is our hope that the Love Is Not Abuse app will be utilized to help prevent dating violence and wake parents up to the reality of teen dating abuse.

Jane Randel is senior vice president of corporate communications and brand services at Liz Claiborne Inc. Randel spearheads the company’s award-winning, cause marketing program, Love Is Not Abuse, to generate awareness, educate the public and ultimately prevent violence against women. She is on the National Advisory Board of the National Domestic Violence Hotline and is a member of the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape/National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s Honorary Board.

By Jane Randel, WeNews commentator.]

Teen Dating Abuse Facts:

*60% parents cannot sufficiently identify the warning signs of abuse

*1 in 4 teens report verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse

*1 in 5 high school girls have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner

*Dating violence among peers is reported by 54% of high school students.

*1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been physically hurt by his or her partner through violent actions which included hitting, punching, kicking, slapping and/or choking

*80% of teens believe verbal abuse is a serious issue for their age group

*Nearly 80% of girls who have been victims of physical abuse in their dating relationships continue to date the abuser.

*Nearly 20% of teen girls who have been in a relationship said their boyfriend had threatened violence or self-harm in the event of a break-up.

*The majority of teen dating abuse occurs in the home of one of the partners.

Teen Dating Abuse Warning Signs:

  • Isolation: Does your daughter have fewer friends than she did before meeting her boyfriend? This speaks to the isolation that an abusive boy imposes on a girlfriend. He might isolate her first from her friends, then from her outside activities and then her family. She can then become emotionally dependent on him, and find it difficult to leave.
  • Emotional Changes: In the early infatuation stage of any relationship girls are often happy. Once the boy becomes abusive, she begins feeling sad and desperate. She may cry more or want to be alone.
  • Constant Communication: Does your daughter’s boyfriend constantly call or text her, and she must call him back immediately? He might ask her where she is, what she’s doing, who she’s with, what time she’ll be back and how many other boys she has spoken to.
  • Jealousy Issues: You might notice the boyfriend’s jealousy. If your daughter looks at or speaks casually with another boy, does he get upset? Did he tell her that he loved her early in the relationship? This is his “hook.” Your daughter might find this romantic, but it could be another red flag for jealousy and issues with control.
  • The Boyfriend’s Background: If your daughter’s boyfriend comes from a tragic home life, it could mean trouble. He might not be far behind in his parent’s footsteps if they use drugs or are abusive to him or each other.
  • The Need to Impress: When he gives her “advice” about her choice in friends, hairstyle, clothes or makeup, notice if she’s following his every word. Your daughter is likely in complete denial and may be in fear of what he will do to her if she doesn’t change.
  • Making Excuses for Him: Your daughter might stick-up for her boyfriend, defending his words and actions. Don’t let her denial force you to ignore your gut! He may have convinced her that she’s too sensitive when he calls her names or told her he’s “only kidding.”
If you keep the line of communication open with her, you’ll be able to notice more signs. For more information, call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474, LoveIsNotAbuse at  866.331.9474 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.

Take care and STAY SAFE!

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